i don't understand. i'm trying to. i do see the problem. but you don't understand. you are making things worse. you are making me feel more awkward. and that explains the communication problem. it's hard i tell you. it's hard trying to be happy so that others won't get affected by you. it's hard to be always smiling and laughing.it's a habit. or should i say, it's become a daily routine? it's hard, going to school with a wide smile, when deep down inside, you know that it's not true, it's just a false front. but what can i do? pull a black face and show everything? make everybody feel awkward when they talk to me? what for ? what for make life difficult for others? it's my own problem and i'd have to face it myself. i'm tired. tired of asking people to smile when i myself don't feel like it.
i know. i know that we are drifting apart. i know all that. i know i have hurt you. but have you thought about me? you say my words hurt you. do you know that your words have pierced beyond those sheer layers of my heart. you think i don't care, you think i'm just indifferent. can't you see that i'm trying my best? i just don't know how to express it. i dont know why things are going this way but they just are. what do you want me to do? decieve myself and SMILE when i dont even feel like it, asnwer you when i don't even know what to say? it's already very tiring at school. and now when i go home. you expect me to do stuff. dont you get it? im already vexed enough. the workload and everything. of course. i know you are too. so why not give both of us some space? give me some time to cool down okay.
you cant compare me with others. cos im not them. and i will never be cos i will always be myself. okay thats so contradictory. i've been trying, but it doesnt seem to help. i really dont know what to do.
life sucks. things just aint going my way. sometimes i wish i could just disappear from the surface of this earth so that i can spare everyone the agony. like anyone would care anyway.
my tears have dried and i can cry no more. LIFE SUCKS.
tell me something worth living for in this SHIT life of mine. SUCKS
okay fine. this is all so cliched. but it's true, and i know.